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| It has been about 4 months since the last post. For my sanity, I probably should do this more often but I just can't get myself to do it. Maybe eventually... At least the positivity and optimism continues. I have been shopping for the past two days and this evening I realized how things have started to turn around for me. There was one day around this time last year where I called my dad and sat on the phone with him for five hours straight crying uncontrollably. I had just been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and was by myself for the most part trying to make it through the constant pain and discomfort. This is not to mention all of the changes I had to make with what I wore, what I ate and all the moves I made. Professionally, I thought I had literally worked my tail off without anything in return under a self hating black woman as a manager. My social life was on hold due to crohn's and it was just pure hell. And just like that, it all started to turn around. They moved around the managers in my department and I have been given opportunities and recognition that I probably wouldn't have gotten before. I was promoted in my original department and was selected to participate in a developmental opportunity the last three months as a recruiter. My name is constantly in the mix among managers and I'm always being given these chances to prove myself because someone is believing in me.I let my new manager know how much I appreciate her. She respects me and I try my best not to disappoint. I now have a couch and the rest of the furniture should be in place by mid-July. The friends tip is on and off. I'm more comfortable with just doing things on my own. I refuse to let life pass me by waiting for a friend in close proximity. I have been nominated to be National Urban League Young Professionals chapter member of the year which is surprising because I haven't even been a financial member for a whole year lol. I am traveling this summer to New Orleans, Atlantic City and Chicago where as last year I went nowhere. I have been in DC and NY already this year. If I'm not going to find what I want in DE, then I'm definitely not going to be stuck just in the state lines. My Cali friend is supposedly coming out here in July. I haven't seen him in a long time so it should be interesting. We've been friends since new student orientation week at Hampton and have been talking since jr year. This is the first time we've both had our act together at the same time so it has been really refreshing. I don't know where it is leading to but I guess time will tell... I have started working out and I think it has been so beneficial for my health. I have barely had any discomfort since I started working out and it all makes my mood even better.I am a true believer that through God, all things are possible. There is no other way for me to be where I am today. These tests have given way for me to create my TESTimony. So far, spring has been a delight and I pray that it continues into the summer. | | |
| Like every other entry, I have not been on here for a while. But unlike most entries, this one will have a more optimistic tone. I am becoming more at peace with where I am. On Friday, I finally finished paying off all my medical expenses from the summer and I am looking to finish furnishing my apartment. My half furnished apartment has probably been one of the main reasons I haven't felt settled. Initially, I didn't feel like I needed to be in a hurry to have my place completely finished since I didn't have anyone to invite over. Well I still don't have anyone to invite over for the most part but this will mainly be for me. I have been constantly surrounded by people who I felt were intoxicating, and I would try my best to distance myself from them but they would continue to push themselves on me. These people were users and abusers of good people. After this one girl completely plagiarized her portion of a group project at Hampton, a teacher mentioned to another group member and I that sometimes people choose you. They realize that they can depend on you and that you are not good at saying no and they prey on you. Well it seems as though God is starting to move some of those people out of my life and I am so completely grateful. I am not mad at these people or anything, I just do not need them around as much. They do not need and do not deserve to be a strong supporting cast member in the story of my life. I really have not made one good friend while being here. I'm finally starting to come to terms with this and I have gotten to the point where I will not allow it to take away from my happiness. I am sure my womb provider will at some point throughout the year rear her ugly head (kind of like Putin). She does it at least once a year. I just have to learn how to not let her bother me. She is among about a handful of people that I just want to leave me alone. They cause so much stress and negative emotion that I do not need to be involved with. I don't wish any ill on them, just prefer for them to have extremely limited contact with me. I'll keep praying for my approaching peace. I truly believe it's less than 6 months away. | | |
| Not many woman are blessed to have positive relationships with men in their life. I have been beyond blessed and I am truly grateful for my dad who raised my siblings and I single handedly and his brother who has really kept me sane since I moved up here. And because of them, I have hope. Rico is my dad. I don't want to keep calling him my dad because I don't even call him dad so it's kind of pointless. I've been calling him Rico since elementary school. He has been there through the rejections and rough times. He is the reason I am so opinionated. Rico was there for the cheering competitions, band concerts, awards banquets, cramps (tmi?? lol) and the heart to hearts. He could have very easily done the bare minimum for Thair, Tapera and I but instead he goes to the ends of the earth to make sure we have what is needed and even some wants. I can truly say that I don't even remember going without what my peers had. Sometimes I was the first to have things like a cell phone. He's a pretty cool guy I think lol. He did start off attending Hampton and tried going to other colleges while I was growing up but he was never able to get his bachelors. For this reason, I don't have some set criteria for guys such as they have to have a bachelor's because I know there are guys with bachelor's who aren't as great as he is. Now Soul is my uncle (lol of course these aren't their government names). In the office, he is called Alpheaus and around his neighborhood and community he is called AJ. He is the reason I wanted to marry an Omega man (my undergraduate experience quickly changed that line of thinking) and is one of the coolest guys I know. He is well respected in corporate America and can chill with his boys when he wants. He has a way of challenging you to be your best without having to lecture. He might just ask a question which makes you see things in a totally different perspective. I love how he is also a family man who can do his daughter's hair when needed, coaches both of his kids' soccer teams and he is a giver. This week was his wife's 40th birthday. For his birthday, she had gotten him this all star package to Texas Stadium in Nov which is a really cool gift. But he mentioned to me and an aunt back in early September that he was thinking about taking his wife to Jamaica for her birthday and he needed to get stuff together so the kids would be straight. He went all out making sure her schedule was cleared and making sure she didn't find out. He surprised her on Tuesday (this was in addition to the dinner he cooked, the ipod touch he bought and some other things) and they left on Thursday. I am so relieved to know that men are doing things like this. I am cognizant of fact that this is not to be expected from every man but I feel like so many women deserve it that it's almost a shame. Even though I know I have to be realistic, I'm pretty sure I will not settle for anything less than what I know is available though. | | |
| I can't really say this has been the best year for me so far. I moved into an apartment in January which is still not fully furnished. I wasn't initially in a rush because I wasn't going to have any visitors but now I just feel like it's not complete and I can't do too much about it now. I started feeling bad around February but I didn't think anything of it because I wasn't necessarily sick. But after losing 30lbs in a month, being extremely sick, and a hospital stay I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. It's more common than I had imagined and in most cases it's not fatal even though people have died from it. I've tried to make a lot of adjustments but it's a lot to deal with all at once. I've had people make jokes about it or take it lightly which is kind of frustrating. Even my sister hasn't made it easy. I don't think she understands what I have to deal with. I would've thought seeing me in the hospital or in pain would've been a clue but I guess not. I'm already tired of the limited diet I have and being stuck and having to get tests ran every other week but I am truly thankful because I guess it could've been worse. My mother caused a scene at the hospital. I have not talked to her in 2 years but she came to the hospital making sure people knew she was my mother. She knew she was making me uncomfortable but she told everyone including me that it was not about me lol. She was right about that one. She didn't want word to get back to Richmond that I had been sick and she either didn't come visit or she didn't know what was going on. I have come to terms with our relationship and I would love nothing more than for her to just leave me alone. She told me I need to pray to God and ask him to remove the evil spirit from me lol. Meanwhile she won't even answer her mother's phone calls. Way to set an example.... There's so much more going on but I had planned on being on vacation this week and somehow ended up having to babysit... I'm sure I'll be back on here sooner rather than later. | | |
| I went home for Easter this past weekend and didn't want to come back. I often think how did I end up in Wilmington living by myself... I had my review last week and I'm No. 8 in my entire dept handling the phones and in the top 3rd for handling files. I hope my raise and bonus reflects such, otherwise I don't see the real reason for me working in my dept. It's definitely not what I want to be doing 3 years from now and I am steadily hustling to find other depts which will make me happy. The people on my team are so ignorant and non-inspiring. This one guy refers to this Muslim female as a nun because of her attire. He's knows good and well she's Muslim and he couldn't care any less to be respectful to people's culture. My birthday is a few weeks away. I'm going home the weekend before and hopefully I will enjoy myself. I have no plans for my actual birthday and I'm concerned that it'll be just like any other day... Whatever. I'm going to see Katt Williams the following Friday with a few people I barely know. I know I need to make friends and whatever but I would love nothing more than to be surrounded by people who know and love and understand me. It's kinda frustrating. The city of brotherly love has about 400 murders a year and I'm kinda scared to even go out. Church yesterday was AMAZING. I am truly inspired everytime I hear Rev Watson speak like I haven't been attending the church since I was young. I found 1 or 2 churches down Hampton where I sometimes felt inspired when I left service, but the churches up here have left me feeling like I'm lost. He was talking about faith. I truly have faith that God has not put me in my position without a reason. I just hope this isn't forever. I think I might start taking sensible risks (is that possible?) and stepping out on faith. I am always worried about something or other to the point I can't enjoy life. This summer, I'm hoping to make some road trips. Visit people who I miss and venture out and see the country. Hopefully, people will be ready for me :) | | |
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